Personality Research

We know that every one’s habit reflects his/her personality, and this is one of researchs that tell about someone’s personality based on his/her fart(stomach wind):

wise : person who can place him/herself where and how he/she must fart based the situation and condition

flexible : person who can adapt the sound and the smell of his/her fart with the situation at the time

patient : person who can keep his/her fart until the situation is possible for it

conqueror : person who willingly won’t fart coz’ the situation is impossible for it

cheerful : person who still can laugh after smelling another person’s fart

foxy : person who fart impulsively but accuse other person tobe the farter

liar : person who fart impulsively but won’t confess when being asked

surrender : person who accept the accusation of farting impulsively

forgiving : person who honestly forgive others that accuse him/her farting impulsively

creative : person who can camouflage the sound of fart seemingly as another sound

clever : person who successfully fart in front of others without to be detected

stupid : person who guess and believe the farting sound is another sounds

lucky : person who can escape from farting impulsively accusation

unlucky : person who suddenly unpurposely smell the smell of one’s fart but doesn’t know who is the one

shy : person who like to fart slowly

high-tempered : people who can’t control the emotion when have to hold farting

open-minded : people who like farting in front of others directly

close-minded : people who will enjoy his/her fart alone

fair : person who although almost fainted coz of smelling fart but won’t accuse other if there’s no proof

like a challenge : person who recklessly fart in front of the one he/she loves

like to share : person who like his/her fart to be enjoyed together

helper : person who like helping one for farting savely without heard by another people

diligent : person who has been desiring to fart but still keep studying

lazy : person who like keep and delay his/her part

serious : person who can’t play if he/she is farting

mature : person who can accept reality that he/she is detected farting in front of others

stubborn : person who will argue if others said his/her fart smell bad

sensitive : person who feel that the smell of fart he/she breathe is his/her whereas it’s not

leader : person who able to make others wish to hear and smell his/her fart

fighter : person who will keep trying to push out his/her fart although he/she doesn’t desiring to fart

provocateur : person who can affect other to do mistakes for farting

unconcerned : person who still relaxed and doen’t care although have been farted by other

friendly : person who still want to greet others who have accuse him/her farting in front of public

revenger : person who will fart in front of one he/she hate than make the condition seemingly the one he/she hate is the farter

arrogant : person who has detected farting impulsively but not willing to apologize

confident : person who has farted impulsively but really sure it won’t be detected

loyal : person who keep loving his/her love although has accuse him/her farting in front of public

polite : person who will ask a permit when he/she want to fart

So, which one are you?

-= CHAZ =-

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An Apology Letter

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you’ve gotten in. Whenever there’s a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You’ll be surprised how effective this form can be!

Dear:

a) Mom, b) Dad, c) Love of my life, d) Assistant Principal, e) Local Police Chief,

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your

a) car b) house c) pet d) espresso maker e) left arm

was severely damaged by my

a) infantile b) puerile c) inept d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic e) woefully under-appreciated

prank.

How could I have known that the

a) car b) jet ski c) large helium balloon d) rodent-driven sledge e) zamboni

I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your

a) house, b) wife, c) Cub Scout troop, d) 1/16th-sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with torch-light, e) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans,

you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to

a) imagine. b) fathom. c) comprehend. d) appreciate. e) pay for.

And I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to

a) hate me. b) sue me. c) spank me. d) take my firstborn. e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in your koi pond.

But I ask you to remember all the good times we’ve had, joshing around at

a) school. b) work. c) church. d) the bowling alley. e) the municipal jail.

And to remember that I am first and foremost your

a) friend. b) child. c) sibling. d) lease co-signer. e) only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.

I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that

a) was so stupid. b) was so silly. c) would have been funny if it worked. d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first. e) I’m going to use again on someone else.

Sincerely,

Me.

-= CHAZ =-

Population

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes…:-)

-= CHAZ =-

Leopard vs Poodle

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction.

The poodle thinks, “Oh, oh!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!”, says the leopard, “That was close! That poodle nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!”

Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?”, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear.

“Where’s that damn monkey?” the poodle says, “I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

-= CHAZ =-

Zoo Job

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it’s a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion’s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

 

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

 

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, “Help me, help me!”, but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, “Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?” 🙂

-= CHAZ =-

A Man and His Dog

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that his faithful dog had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. As he reached the wall, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch, and the street that led to the gate made from pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, “Excuse me, where are we?”

“This is heaven, sir,” the man answered.

“Wow! Would you happen to have some water? We have traveled far,” the man said.

“Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.”

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveler asked.

“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”

The man thought a moment, remembering all the years this dog remained loyal to him and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk he came to a plain dirt road, which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

“Excuse me!” he called to the reader. “Do you have any water? We have traveled far.”

“Yes, sure, there’s a faucet over there.” The man pointed to a place that couldn’t be seen from outside the gate. “Come on in and help yourself.”

“How about my friend here?” the traveler gestured to his dog.

“There should be a bowl by the faucet; he is welcome to share.”

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned faucet with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

“What do you call this place?” the traveler asked.

“This is heaven,” was the answer.

“Well, that’s confusing,” the traveler said. “The man down the road said that was heaven, too.”

“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.”

“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”

“No. We’re just happy that they screen out the folks who’d leave their best friends behind in exchange for material things.”

🙂

-= CHAZ =-

Believe It Or Not!

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All Polar bears are left-handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.

Cat’s urine glows under a black light.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human’s neck.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the ’30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

Shakespeare invented the word “assassination” and “bump.”

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Starfish haven’t got brains.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter Pan.”

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

The sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English language.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.

You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.

-= CHAZ =-